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FIVE OBSERVATIONS FROM THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL BOWL SEASON

 

THE SEC CAN’T BE STOPPED
It might seem pretty obvious at this point, but just in case you didn’t know yet, I’m here to tell you that the SEC is really fucking good at football. To the surprise of literally no one, Alabama destroyed Notre Dame in the BCS Championship for their third title in four years. Meanwhile, the entire conference as a whole went 6-3 during the bowl season, with five of those wins coming by double-digits. So with Bama’s thrashing of the Irish, that makes it what, seven BCS titles in a row for the SEC? With the last four coming from the state of Alabama alone? It’s not even fair at this point. The Southeastern Conference has the best players in the country, the best coaches in the country, the best fans in the country, the best co-eds in the country…it just isn’t fair. Why I didn’t go to the University of Florida or somewhere warm and completely football-crazed like that is beyond me.

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It’s no wonder why we watch top recruit after top recruit file into the SEC year after year. It’s the Triple-A of professional football. This year’s NFL Draft will probably feature at least 15 SEC products in the first round, with at least eight of them coming in the first half of the draft. Even a team like Tennessee that went 1-7 in conference play could have up to three first-rounders this year. And it’s not getting easier for the rest of the college football world, either. Alabama, LSU, Florida, Georgia, Texas A&M, and even South Carolina will all be legitimate title contenders next year. Have fun, everybody else!

THERE WILL BE SOME DAMN GOOD QUARTERBACKS ON DISPLAY NEXT SEASON
I could probably sit here and spend the rest of my week writing about all the reasons I love Johnny Manziel. He’s everything you could ever want in a quarterback, and his Cotton Bowl performance against Oklahoma only solidified that notion. I won’t hide it; I flat out love this guy, and my pants tent is only growing stronger. That being said, there are a ton of quarterbacks that will be ready to take center stage next season, and maybe even unseat my man Johnny as the next Heisman winner. A.J. McCarron (Bama), Aaron Murray (UGA), Marcus Mariota (Oregon), Everett Golson (ND), Braxton Miller (Ohio St); these are just a few names you probably already know. Blake Bell (Oklahoma), Brett Hundley (UCLA), Logan Thomas (VA Tech); those are some of the names you might not know yet.

The two names that stand out to me, however, are Tahj Boyd and Teddy Bridgewater. After another solid season with Clemson, Boyd led the Tigers to an incredible comeback win in the Chick Fil-A Bowl over LSU on New Year’s Eve and handed the SEC one of their three losses in the bowl season. One more season to develop could lead to Boyd being a first round pick in next year’s draft. But to me, Bridgewater is the guy who boosted his stock the most with his bowl performance. He posted 266 yards and two scores against a vaunted Florida Gators defense and led Louisville to a surprise victory in the Sugar Bowl. He already has all the assets that just scream “draft me in the first round”, but most importantly, and I know this probably isn’t in Mel Kiper’s draft day vocabulary, this kid has the balls. He didn’t bat an eyelash on the biggest stage of his career against the toughest defense he’s ever faced. Earlier in the season, he beat Rutgers while playing with a broken wrist. Big ol’ testicles on this guy. I’d take this guy on my team in a second.

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CHIP KELLY IS A SMART MAN
If there’s one team in the country that can compete with the SEC over the next few years, it’s Oregon. Between the dozens of awesome uniform choices, and all the pot you can smoke, why wouldn’t you head to Eugene if you were a top-shelf recruit? However, it’s Chip Kelly’s offense that has really put Oregon on the map. You’ve seen the running backs he’s brought in over the past couple years. LaMichael James, Kenjon Barner, DeAnthony Thomas. What do they all have in common? They’re fucking fast. Speedy Gonzalez on crystal meth fast. That being said, you simply can’t recruit speed in the NFL. The whole league is fucking fast. Oregon’s entire offense revolves around running as many plays in less than two minutes as humanly possible, and doing it with track stars in the backfield. You can’t get away with that in the NFL. By turning down a pro job for a second straight season, Chip Kelly must have realized this. And with his team’s dominance of a good Kansas State team in the Fiesta Bowl, Chip Kelly also realized that Oregon might be the only team in the country with a legitimate chance of dethroning the SEC any time soon.

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THE BIG TEN IS GARBAGE
Straight garbage. And not the good kind of garbage you find in the Dumpster. I know Ohio State and Penn State were ineligible this year, but come on, Wisconsin did not deserve to be in the Rose Bowl, even though it was a surprisingly close game. Meanwhile, Purdue and Minnesota did not deserve to be bowl-eligible, period. In total, this so-called powerhouse conference went just 2-5 this bowl season. 2-5??!?!? Just terrible. Except for maybe Northwestern, who picked up its first bowl victory since 1949, not a single Big 10 team impressed me during the bowl games. The only team from this conference I see maybe competing for a national championship in the next five years is Ohio State (sorry, Michigan fans). With Urban Meyer at the helm, and with everyone else in the league trending in the wrong direction, the Buckeyes could be in the mix for a while. But for now, I’m all set with the rest of this league.

I WOULD NOT FUCK WITH JADEVEON CLOWNEY
So, I have what you call a reverse bucket list. You know, a list of things that I hope never happen to me before I die. For example, I really hope I never come across a swarm of killer bees. I also pray that Rosie O’Donnell never sits on my face. But after seeing what I saw on New Year’s Day, getting hit by Jadeveon Clowney is on top of that list. Clowney wasn’t flying under the radar by any means before his performance in the Outback Bowl against Michigan, but if you hadn’t heard of him before, you know who he is now. When 2013 is over, Clowney will still have the hit of all hits thanks to his unprecedented bludgeoning of poor Vincent Smith. I mean, how does Smith ever play football again? Wouldn’t getting mauled like that five yards behind the line of scrimmage ruin everything for you? If I’m him, I immediately head to the locker room and turn in my equipment. “I’m all set with this sport guys, thanks though.” In all seriousness, Clowney is the next freakishly talented defensive end ready to tear up the NFL and could very well be the first player drafted in April of 2014. And I also would not fuck with him. End of story. Image

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