I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed today. I had an extra kick in my step, a bigger smile on my face, but I didn’t know why. As I took a sip of my morning coffee, I thought to myself “today is going to be a good day.”
Then, I heard the news. The greatest news a man like myself could ever hear:
DONALD DRIVER ANNOUNCES HIS RETIREMENT…
BEST. DAY. EVER.
I don’t care what the people say. Donald Driver is the worst wide receiver in NFL history. And don’t ask me what exactly I’m basing this statement on, because it’s simply just the way it is. Something that has been embedded into the soul of our culture for years. It’s a fact of life. No one like Donald Driver.
Look at that face!!! HOW DO YOU NOT WANT TO PUNCH THIS FACE!?!?!?
Nice purple do-rag, you fruit bag. I’m glad you found something else to occupy your time, because you shoulda been outta the league years ago!!!!!!