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THIS WEEK ON CRAIGLIST: THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

Editor’s Note: This is an actual Craigslist ad from last week. This isn’t me trying to rekindle an old flame with some broad who shit herself in my car the other day…

To the woman who crapped her pants in my car…(iowa city)

To the women who crapped her pants in my car…

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting sharing that basket of hot wings while drinking the chili beer. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call, Tad

P.S. – If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early. . .
Touché. . .

  • Location: iowa city
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

i-just-pooped-my-pants

Ahhh, the power of the internet. I really do hope these two lovebirds reunite one day. They were clearly meant to be.  Because, really, everybody gambles on a fart now and then. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. So good luck to you, Tad!!! May you find the woman of your dreams…

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